going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
