new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
