Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
