i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
