Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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