the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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