"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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