i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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