You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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