Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
