Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
wow bdsm is so cute
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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