That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
