Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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