Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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