Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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