1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize