Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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