This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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