I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
