Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
