I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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