I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
