she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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