i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
