on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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