are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
