actually, I'm a sock model
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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