you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
