The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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