I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
