Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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