a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
