The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
