From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
