I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
