I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
