Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
