woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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