I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
