my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize