i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Enjoy the penises
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
