Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
