you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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