Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
