My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
