Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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