'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
