She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
