I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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