I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
