This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
