I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
