glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
grandma shit on top of the toilet
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
