I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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