turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
