:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
