I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
