Where did you get a picture of my penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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