Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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