Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
