I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
