Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize