he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
