I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
