he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
