I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize