Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
