I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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