I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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