Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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