Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
