**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
