I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
