he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
