her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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