Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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