You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize