i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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