he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
