I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
