It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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